Important Things Others Should Know about Chronically ill People

“An Educating Tool”

I was in the middle of writing a blog about what folks with MS really need from others when I came across this pin I found on Pinterest. What an extraordinary pin to share with my peers!

Because I still look so good after all these years and rarely complain, people around me sometimes still don’t seem to understand my difficulties since MS is invisible, unpredictable, and interfering. And it is probably because I am so good at the way I manage this disease, despite the fact that I use a wheelchair. I make it look so easy, when the truth is, it can be a real bitch.

For people who are just learning about how to live with a person with MS or who is chronically ill, a copy of this will be a good, educating tool.

“People with chronic pain and illness want everyone in their lives
to know these important things about them…”


1. Don’t be upset if I seem on edge. I do the best I can every day to be “normal”. I’m exhausted and sometimes I snap.

2. I find it very hard to concentrate at time for a lot reasons. Pain, drugs, lack of sleep… I’m sorry if I lose focus.

3. Letting my loved ones and friends down by cancelling plans is heartbreaking to me. I want more than anything to be as active as you and do the things I used to do.

4. My health can change daily. Sometimes hourly. There are a lot of reasons this happens. Weather, stress, flare-ups…I can assure you that I hate it as much as you do.

5. I don’t like to whine. I don’t like to complain. Sometimes I just need to vent. When this happens, I am not asking for pity or attention. I just need an ear to bend and a hand to hold.

6. During rough times, I find it hard to describe how bad it is. When I say “I’m fine” and you know I am not, it’s okay to ask questions. Just be prepared if the flood gates open because “I’m fine” is often code for “I’m trying to hold it together, but having a rough time. I’m on the edge.”

7. If I am hurting bad enough to tell you about it without being asked, please know that it’s REALLY bad.

8. When you reach out to me with suggestions to help me feel better, I know that you mean well. If it was as simple as popping a new pill, eating differently or trying a different doctor, I’ve most likely already tried it and was disappointed.

9. All I truly want from you is friendship, love, support and understanding. It means everything to me.

10. When someone gives me a pep talk, I understand the sentiment. Chronic illness just doesn’t go away. I wish it did, too! I appreciate your wanting the best for me, but save the pep talk for the gym or the kids’ next volleyball game.

11. It hurts worse than you can possibly imagine when I’m thought of as lazy, unreliable, or selfish. Nothing is further from the truth.

12. I do a lot of silly things to distract myself because any part of my life not consumed with pain is a good part.

13. The simplest tasks can completely drain me. Please know that I do the best I can every day with what I have.

14. Come to me with any questions you may have about my condition. I love you and would much rather tell you about this face to face without judgment.

After all these years I have lived with MS, I may put this on my refrigerator at times; or give a copy of this to the forgetful numbskull or the insensitive ostrich that has their head in the sand! (Yes, I think we all have a person or two like this in our lives.) And, the next time someone says “What’s wrong with you?!” I think I will tell them to read #___.

www.DebbieMS.com
Author/MS Counselor/Living with MS

Does the Doctor Really Know What’s Best for You?

“It’s your choice.”

June 18, 2013

I have seen doctors for almost all of the forty years of my adult life, and this is what I learned:

While I need to have doctors in my life as I deal with MS, I ultimately know what is best for me to do—not my doctors. I know my body and I will always make the final decision relative to how I want to be treated by a doctor. My doctors are there for support, knowledge, prescriptions, consultation and referrals. If I believe I am not getting from a doctor what I (or my insurance) is paying for, I will fire him/her.

It is a viewpoint other older MS veterans have shared with me.

Many MS specialist-neurologists are experts—they have seen numerous patients and are trained with knowledge. But I am an expert too, with a lot of common sense. I have talked with numerous people dealing with MS (both patients and professionals), and constantly research information about my disorder.

Each case of MS is different with regard to disability, rate and duration of relapses/progression, symptoms, response to medications and treatments, etc. It is a fact that that no two cases are alike. I believe I know my body best in terms of how I feel and how my body acts/reacts; this is information that I must note and share with my doctor.

I live with MS, monitoring and documenting many things regarding my own case, 24/7 every day–symptoms, side effects, triggers… A doctor looks at my case and evaluates me for only about fifteen minutes every 6-12 months. As one recent MSer complained to me, “I just wish a doctor would listen to my symptoms and not just do their little neurological test of pinch here, pock here and say nothing wrong here. This sucks.”

Recently, I spoke with a person with MS who was complaining how bad MS had been affecting her cognitive abilities. During the discussion, I learned the doctor prescribed her a sleeping pill, an anxiety pill, and a pain pill—all at the same time!! It was no wonder why her mental faculties were impaired. Where’s the common sense here?

Other patients receive scripts to treat two or three things at one time with no instruction to start them at different intervals. How would someone know what is affecting what, positively or negatively?

Since I am not on a DMD treatment, I choose not to get MRI’s. Personally, I don’t care how many lesions I have or how big they are because that by itself isn’t always reliable in terms of what to take, do, or how bad I am. For me, going for an MRI every six months is a waste of my time and money. But that is my choice and my decision.

And doctors are not always right. Doctors make mistakes or poor decisions as well. Maybe they are having a bad day, are overloaded, or were given faulty test results. Let’s face it—why do people get second or even third opinions before having major surgery, for example?

Truthfully, I like, need and want my doctors. Doctors have things I don’t have–the ability to write prescriptions, order tests for evaluation, and referrals for things like therapy or specialists. I use them to get these things. Also, I really do want to listen to their expertise and judgment, and consult with them about any course of action.

Now I do not have major cognitive issues that interfere with my judgment. But there have been times when I was distraught with anxiety or depression and I felt I didn’t want to make a decision alone. I asked the doctor if he was in my shoes, “What would you do?” I have enough trust in my primary professionals to follow their advice. In these situations, I also have a close family member or friend with me to listen and help evaluate the circumstances. Teamwork is good.

When I choose a doctor, I find one that has very high ratings and one that I am compatible with. It enhances my confidence when I make my final decision about a course of action.

I have been blessed to have two MS specialist-neurologists in two different states that were both opened-minded and respected my personal choices. They talked with me, not at me or down to me. They also recognize that I am the one living with MS and know my body best. However, “Two heads are always better than one” when evaluating anything, so I am open minded as well. And throughout the years, there were certainly good reasons to see and confer with my doctors.

So choose your doctor and your course of action wisely.

www.DebbieMS.com

 

MS Support: Know thy Neighbors

“My Eleventh Commandment”

If you have read my book Managing MS: Straight Talk…, you know about my own ten commandments I follow to manage my MS. I’m adding another one. As I was walking my dog around the neighborhood today, I reflected on how important my neighbors are to me. When I moved from Pittsburgh to Arizona in 2001, I lived alone for several years since my husband couldn’t join me until he retired. Being a planner and organizer, the first thing I did after settling in was become a co-director of our volunteer neighborhood block-watch program. I hosted the committee meetings and arranged quarterly weekend social events. The result? I immediately met and got to know everyone living around me. I made good friends, I found professionals (a mechanic, an a/c and heating technician, a computer guru, a lawyer…) and I felt safe. My dog and I have walked and patrolled the neighborhood daily for all these years, and if people don’t see me for a few days, they’re wondering why.

When a new neighbor moves in, I want to meet them. Recently, a new neighbor was putting the finishing touches on a new paint job for his new house. I introduced myself and told him how much I liked the color. It was instant rapport!

I love my neighbors, and can count on them if I/we need something, and vice versa. One terribly hot summer morning, my air conditioner stopped working. My a/c technician neighbor came to fix it within the hour I called. Another time when my husband was back East, I accidently pulled my Christmas tree over with my power chair at ten o’clock in the evening. I was surrounded by broken bulbs and lights! My girlfriend across the street came over immediately and picked it all up for me. If I’m home alone and I need assistance, I have a phone around me at all times so that I can call someone for help. They can get into my house by using the security-code keypad on my garage door. Many of our neighbors now are not only friends; they are like family to us and to each other. They are invaluable to me.

www.DebbieMS.com
Author, MS Counselor, Living with MS